Halfway through March and it's madness
March, 2012

Is it just me or have we all been committed to a global insane asylum? March is not even two weeks old and already it’s brought us more madcap insanity from one end of Main Street to the other.

Been on 101 lately? It’s crazier than the Giant Dipper. The Espinosa Rd. exit is still there if you can find it, as dangerous as ever, along with miles of swerves, bottlenecks and construction cranes between the Northridge Mall and Crazy Horse, Crazy is right.

Former Salinas Police Chief Louis Fetherolf had to retire early because of health problems. That’s perfectly understandable, but just when it looked like we might be outgunning the creeps next door, the Chief goes down. Makes you want to steal an AK.

Salinas Mayor Dennis Donohue is calling it quits, leaving us to our own mini version of the Republican primary madness as several local worthies aim their hats for the mayoral ring. Maybe I’ll run on a “Stop the Insanity” platform. And, yes, I will decide what’s insane or not.

There’s nothing crazy about Councilwoman and Mayor Pro Tem Gloria De La Rosa having an illegal AK-47. It was allegedly stolen from her house and she wants it back. She doesn’t want to talk about the Illegal part (very touchy subject around here), that might be bad for her career. Hey, this is Salinas; stuff gets stolen all the time.

Even the apparatchik occupiers have started eating their own up in Santa Cruz. Not only students, but now some teachers, are shutting down their own school to “increase awareness.” There’s that word again. Fortunately, most of them will get over it and wind up as wage slaves for capitalist pigs. Repeat after me, “My curriculum vitae clearly indicates how my skill set can benefit this corporation.” Cover up the tattoos and straighten your tie.

That stupid teacher in Modesto dumps his family for an 18 year old girlfriend. Mad and reprehensible, for sure, but it’s nothing new. Irresponsible men with overdeveloped egos and underdeveloped character have been abandoning their families for millennia. Tragically, it’s the women and children who get thrown overboard first. Many go mad and perpetuate the insanity for generations.

And what’s with the latest célèbre du jour from our social divines in Washington? In an election year ploy to recover the sagging women’s vote, they’ve decreed that contraception should be a “right,” like free speech or religion, and woe to any talk show gasbag who thinks that’s a crazy idea. Nothing maddening there, makes perfect sense. I’d point you to Star Care Pharmacy to exercise your new right, but it probably won’t be there.

All of that follows on the heels of Fearless Leader showing us the madness of the First Amendment by telling Catholics and other churchgoers how to control breeding within their flocks. Not since King George III has government control of religion been so popular. In the good old Dark Ages it was the other way around, the church told the king what to do. Some wizened Mullahs still run things that way in sandy places, and look at how sane they are.

All this insanity and more fill the pages of this venerated journal every day of the month, except Sunday, and it’s not even St. Pattie’s Day yet. Speaking of which, maybe the government should tell churches whom they can call a “saint,” to make sure it’s fair and diverse. Honestly, does an ancient Irish religious celebration really reflect the predominant culture of the Salinas Valley? There probably needs to be more regulation of regional ethnic commemorations.

Compared to all that, college basketball’s “March Madness” just looks like a bunch of kids playing ball. A few of them will become corporate millionaires in a year or two, doubtless outraging many of their peers who chose occupying as a career path. “Methinks thou dost protest too much.”